The Birds for Spoonies

Trying to explain to a close friend what it is like to be chronically ill, predominantly with Fibromyalgia and related conditions, brought me to a road block. How do you explain to people who get out of bed in the morning with a full day planned that I can’t even plan when I’ll be able to get my feet on the floor and get up out of bed each day.

I haven’t had the words, and as I try to wrap my brain around the question, another question comes at me. Then the questions are repeated with more intensity closer to my face and all I can do is stammer and cover my face; protect my brain; try to stop the overwhelming feeling flashing through my brain cells. The longer it takes to respond the more it looks like any response is dubious, at best. I’ve had to turn away from these situations before it flairs through my spine resulting in cramping of muscles, pulling on my skull, burning pain through my brain that fights relief. As long as I can keep meds and a bit of food down, I’m okay. Being an hour from home..not okay.

This most recent encounter with my friend took place in 32 degree F weather with a brisk wind off the Maine water. Between the questions and the weather I was stopped cold in my tracks, so to speak, and I refused to walk further. I’m not used to standing up for myself. I tend to be a people pleaser, at my detriment, but this lesson has been hard learned – listen to my body and respond to it’s needs.

I’ve been accused of running away from people. I haven’t been running away from you. I am running towards relief. Running towards a chance of catching the pain before it settles in and takes over. I am running towards relief. I am in plain site – in my bed – awaiting visitors. Where have you been?

This episode brought about my chance to learn about Spoons as they relate to chronic illness. The Spoon Theory was a great way to visualize my day and I left the theory out for others to read. Asked them to read it. I put out a jar with the used Spoons for the day with the remainder beside the jar. Near the door. You’ll know as soon as you walk in how I’m doing for spoons today.

As great as The Spoon Theory was for me and thinking about my activities in a different way, it didn’t cover the mental toll that pain and other symptoms takes from us. When confronted on the windy street all I could do was wave my arms around in front of my face, trying to clear my brain, trying to communicate when systems were failing, trying to keep the birds from pecking my eyes out.

That was it. My metaphor. My visual tool for my chronic illness control.

Alfred Hitchcock’s movie The Birds with Tippy Hedren.

I googled for a picture of the birds in the face scene, and I also found a beautiful photo of Tippy Hedren in a classic little black dress with a Raven sitting quietly on her arm.

She looks so elegant in this shot. So in control of the moment. Unafraid. Poised. Calm.

She may be gorgeous in this photo, but you can’t forget she has this huge bird on her arm.

That’s how Fibromyalgia feels. I clean up well and I know how to wear 3 inch heels and put on Mascara, but no matter how good I look ( but you don’t look sick?!) Fibromyalgia and other chronic demands are holding onto my arm with claws. Always.

Now add other stressors. Other symptoms. Take your pick. About anything will do it. Before long you are fighting off the crazed birds. They want you taken down and all you can do is hope to reach the safety of your meds, your TENS unit, and anything else you count on to get through a spell.

I’ve printed out 8 x 10′s of each picture and I’ve hung them beside the bed. Anything that helps you is worth putting near the bed.

Now I have a way to convey my struggle. How many birds are after you today?

Stack The Fire

October Sky and Fall Foliage in Maine

Sweater Combing Season

Mornings are crisp, and it reminds one to start reviewing the fall and winter wardrobe.

It doesn’t matter what fabric an item is made from, over time they show wear in the form of fading and pilling.

You can prevent fading by using detergents made specifically for dark clothing, and hand washing is mandatory for care of delicate fabrics.

Using a fabric comb is simple and rewarding. Used regularly one can keep sweaters fresh and attractive.

A fabric comb costs only a couple of dollars. I haven’t had much luck with the battery powered fabric shavers and I prefer the basic comb. I put each sweater section over an ironing board to work one part at a time.

Pilling is caused by friction and is common along the underarm and sides of the sweater. Combing the pills removes the balls and the long fibers that cause the pilling. Over time the long fibers are removed and the sweater will become pill-free.

With proper care a fine sweater can last for many seasons to come.  Sweater Comb

The Lame Carrying the Lame

A recent leg injury has me limping at best and unable to put weight on my right leg at worst. Now add a lame sixteen pound poodle, a long flight of stairs and you have a comedy.

I think of those movies that have a little dog lowered to street level in a basket. Off the dogs scamper to do their duty, then happily jump back in the basket to be hauled back up to their home. It’s sounding like a pretty good idea, at this point, but I can’t see my dog all that anxious to come back home. He’d find a bicycle to try to chase or a patch of shade too inviting to pass up a nap in the cool grass.

For now, we will limp on, the two of us, in abstract cadence.

Hosting No More

We  have hosted an annual party for fifteen years. It began as a celebration shared with family and friends and morphed over the years into a reunion of distant relatives, neighbors, former classmates and the usual suspects.

Last year, the last year, we had our youngest guest who joined us at age one week old and our oldest guest ringing in at 100 years old.

The nephews have never known a life without the lawn party. I’m told they believe it is a national holiday.

We have had great fun, good food, played games that don’t see the light of day any other time of the year, and enjoyed seeing everyone have a good time.

Thank you to all that helped us with the annual lawn party over the years.

Maine Animal Prints in the Snow

I wasn’t able to get a clearer set of tracks to photograph but I thought the long toes were great. This photo is from February.

More animal tracks in the Maine Snow Photo

Winter Scene Photo

Winter Barn Photo